You.Have.Such.A.Pretty.Face…The words that inspired this entire blog.

These words haunt the shit out of me.  All of us big girls have heard these words at some point.  Most people mean it as some type of compliment, a few use it as a way to knock us fatties down a peg if we dare posses a near healthy self-esteem (How dare we actually like ourselves, right?)  What kills me about this back-handed compliment is the sheer surprise in someone’s voice when they say it.  They utter these words as if they never knew a fat person could be remotely attractive and suddenly they feel conflicted.  Evidently  attractive fat girls are like unicorns who eat babies.  So pretty, so rare, yet so awful.

I remember talking to this guy from Plenty of Fish (online dating site that is basically the equivalent of any bar at 2AM).  We chatted back and forth for a few days, I eventually gave him my cell number so we could text.  Then he says it, “You’re so pretty for a plus sized girl”…Now, this guy truly believed he was paying me a compliment…I ended up responding with something completely bitchy and probably over-reactive, telling him that I’m pretty for any type of girl and giving him a “pro-tip”, that if he’s going to compliment someone just leave it at that, don’t throw in a “but” or “for a”, or anything similar.  A simple, “You’re pretty” will suffice, the rest of the damn sentence isn’t necessary.  Needless to say, we never went out and never spoke again.

Then there was another guy from Plenty of Fish.   He asked if he could add me to snap chat. Sure, no problem.  He asked if I would send him a current picture (even though all the pictures on my dating profile are current).  Again, sure.  Told me he thought I was “So beautiful”.  We chit-chat, then he tells me he’s not looking for anything serious, just a fuck-buddy.  That isn’t really my thing, so I let him know that I’m looking for more and I wish him luck on his journey to find a fuck-buddy.  Welp, I suppose he wasn’t use to rejection *GASP* and rejection from a fat girl at that.  Evidently I shattered his fragile ego into a million pieces with my fat-girl rejection.  He then went on to tell me how “Big girls aren’t my thing but I was actually going to give you a shot because you’re pretty”.  As if I should be grateful that this choad was throwing me some kind of bone.  Like I should be ever so thankful that he is lowering his standards to feign interest in a girl like me.  So I had to let him know that even if I were down to fuck, I could never lower my standards to such a degree that would allow me to fuck him.  Funny, he continued trying to contact me for about 2 months.  Also funny that I never, ever responded to any of his messages.  I take solace in the fact that he probably sat on his couch binge watching The Fast and the Furious franchise, completely shaken that a fat girl had the audacity to reject him.

Ladies, don’t allow others to make you feel badly about yourself.  Don’t allow others to define you.  Don’t allow anyone to try and force you into some box that you don’t belong in.  If you’re happy with you, that’s truly all that matters.  If you aren’t happy, then do something about it but don’t allow other people to diminish your happiness or to hack away at your self esteem because you are not their idea of beauty.

Oh and the next time someone says, “You have such a pretty…” cut them off before they can add anything else to the fucking sentence, then thank them for their compliment.  😉

-Ash